I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
