i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
