Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
