Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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