Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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