Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
