mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
