GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
