My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
