Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
