Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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