Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
