i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
