She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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