Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
