i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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