i think my mom watched the whole time
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
