I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
