I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
