This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize