Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
