so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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