I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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