ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
