Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
