Welp...herpes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
