She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
