So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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