Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
