It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
