i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
