hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
