The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
