The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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