If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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