i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
