Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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