Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
