idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
