i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
