And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
