Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize