she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
