YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
