I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i will never coherently bang her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Couch. On fire.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
