I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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