My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
