Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
