No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize