Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
