Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
