cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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