You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
