Three words: puerto rican gang bang
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
