I heard we made out
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
