Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
