You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
