Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
