Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
