Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
