I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
