why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
