the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
