is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
