I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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